ArnoldFilm Review: Crank: *1/2
Dir: Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor
Starring: Jason Statham
Crank has been reviewed over and over as a ‘high octane’ or ‘most fun you’ll have at the movies’ kind of film. Contrary to what cliché-ridden reviewers and mindless thrill seekers may tell you, this film is a little hollow. It has the climactic thrills or driving your friend to the hospital as he has a heart attack only to find out that all he needed was a couple Gas-X and to quit eating pizza three times a day.
From the first the film spins, buzzes, warps and pulses through one day in the life of Chev Chelios, a hit man for the mob who has been murdered, kind of. He’s been injected with a poison that should kill him in one hour. The film follows his frantic last day as he seeks to do right be his girlfriend while simultaneously reaping his merciless revenge on everyone who has done him wrong.
I hate reviews that only bash so I’m going to follow the old matriarchal proverb that begins, “if you’ve got nothing nice to say…” and just end the review by saying, without giving the ending away, that a film this packed with action, senseless violence (that just doesn’t entertain in the same way ‘Oldboy’ does) does not benefit from a sentimentalist, moderately surrealist ending that they give. It doesn’t satisfy and leaves you wondering why you weren’t reading a book, fostering a stray cat or volunteering at the local food pantry.
